I Choose A Mi Misma

Growing up I can recall always feeling the need to be more...

do more...

have more...

This is one of the reasons my first marriage didn’t work out: We were not in the same level of goal settings and accomplishments.  

I like to give my best in all I do and expect the same in return.  As a “Mexican” woman I was expected to be submissive, cater to my husband and family and forget about myself.

But now I know that I come first, if I am not ok, no one is. 

I was once told that my attitude determines the vibe of my house…that if I was ok, the rest of the household would be ok.  

At first I didn’t give it much thought but then I noticed that it was true.  When I was mad, my family was mad and when I was happy…they were happier.  Talk about the pressure!!

I then knew the responsibility I had and my need of “wanting” to not only be a better woman but a better person.  So I decided to work on my wellbeing.  

I started forgiving myself for the past mistakes; love me for who I am and not who the world or society expects me to be. 

I worked on trying to be an understanding, yet firm mother, loving and caring and show my affectionate love to my daughters. 

I worked on trying to be encouraging, supportive, patient, and devoted to my partner.  

This was tough for me at first! Placing all this focus on myself and my wellbeing above the needs of my family was not easy. Growing up I received a different message on self-care. I don't remember seeing my mother do any of these things for herself, so I didn't know where to start.

However, because I didn't see my mom do any of these things for herself, I decided to break this cycle of placing the needs of others above my own. I knew I had to break the cycle in order to raise STRONG and COURAGEOUS girls.  

In order for my daughters to believe in their own potential they had to see me believe in mine.

So I started making changes.  

I started meditating, listening to podcasts, reading books, drinking wine, dancing in the shower, singing my lungs out while driving…

I started doing what made ME happy.

Sometimes I wonder what it could’ve been had my mom motivated, encouraged me and pushed me like I do for my own daughters.

But how could she, if she didn’t get that from hers. 

All she knew since she was little was to be a caregiver to her little siblings and didn’t get the chance to discover her true potential.  I can only imagine how hard that was for her. It would’ve been hard for me!  

But I know, or at least understand, that this was all in God’s plan so that I could motivate and challenge my own self and want the best for me and my family. 

It helped me be strong when I decided to take the leap of faith and leave my ex with no money, it helped me be courageous when I had to start a new job in the construction industry with no experience whatsoever.  It helped me be proud when I had to prove my worth, and it helped me be humble enough to know when I was wrong and needed help.

I was raised by a strong woman, she did the best she could within her means, and she put her own wellbeing and needs aside to take care of her family. 

But she didn't get to break away from the cycle of choosing others over herself.

If there was a way to go back into time I would encourage my mother to discover her own value, her own potential and her happiness and not let it be determined by another person or her own circumstances.  

Nevertheless, that strong woman inspired me to tap into my inner strength. A different type of strength than hers, but still a beautiful strength. This new strain of strength now pushes me to show my daughters how to discover their own strength and create a new cycle of courageous women!  

Esa mujer, that woman...

mi madre...

inspired me to put myself first, to be content and do what brings me joy so that our household could be more harmonious and in return have a happier healthier family.  

So at the end...

I choose me. Me escojo a mi misma.

This is what brings me joy and satisfaction.

Por ti y para ti mami…por ser fuerte! 
Te quiero

-Jess